2 Beautiful Beating Hearts!

We had an ultrasound yesterday at 5w6d and I had prepared myself not to see a heartbeat yet since it was early. But, we saw the most wonderful sight- two beautiful fluttering tiny hearts! One was too hard to measure and the other measured tentatively at 119. We'll get slightly better measurements next week.

I'm so overjoyed- seeing both of their heartbeats made it seem much more real. The babies are measuring 1 day apart which is normal apparently and I don't need to come back for a whole week- hooray.

It still feels surreal that I am pregnant- much less that I am pregnant with twins! Mind you the non-stop nausea does provide a nice reminder! It's all so exciting.

5 Weeks Picture and Survey

How Far Along?
5 weeks and 2 days!

Baby's Size:
As I'm in my 6th week, What To Expect tells me my babies are the size of sweet peas!

Weight Gain:
Well, none in the last week! I still feel bloated from the fertility treatments so I may be up a couple of pounds from the good old days!

Symptoms:
LOTS! Nausea in the morning and complete lack of appetite. Then at like noon, my appetite returns with a vengeance and I could eat anything in sight! but if I eat greasy food (which sounds oh so delicious) I can count on heartburn my nighttime. Leg cramps at night. Occasional shooting pains in my side- dr said it's due to my giant grapefruit sized ovaries! My boobs are super sore and my nipples look funny. Loving all the symptoms!

Cravings:
Hamburgers- greasy cheesy hamburgers. I'm disgusting, I know.

Maternity Clothes:
Not wearing any but I did buy three tops today with my GAP employees discount just for fun!

Stretch Marks:
Oh that's a scary thing to think about.

Sleep:
I am exhausted in the evenings and fall straight asleep but I wake up at some point during the night in sweats and lay wide awake for hours until I wear myself back out and sleep for a couple of more hours.

Best Moment of the Week:
Seeing our TWO babies at the ultrasound! Hands down best moment!

Movement:
Looking forward to that one day!

Gender:
I am thinking one boy and one girl- stats are on my side with that prediction!

What I miss:
Well nothing since I love being pregnant but a little bit I do miss being allowed to have sex since we're on probation until informed otherwise.

What I'm looking forward to:
Seeing heartbeatS sometime in the next week+

Milestones:
First Ultrasound, Finding out it's TWINS

Emotions:
I was so nervous before the ultrasound and now I feel so overjoyed and still it feels a bit surreal. Like I can't believe any of these wonderful things are actually happening!

It's TWINS!!!!

Just a short update for now but after worrying myself sick for the past three days, we went for our ultrasound. My mom and hubby came along so it was intense! She found one baby right away- yolk sac included. It was awesome- really clear! Then she moved the wand and there was another one!!! Almost the exact same size, also with a yolk thing! Then we got the picture of them next to each other- it was SO cool!!! I'll post the pic next week- didn't bring a USB to get the electronic copy. We are OVERJOYED!!! Oh and my hcg today was over 5000-amazing!! Best day ever! I'm so in love with my babies!

Ultrasound and Beat anxiety

So I was determined not to panic the whole first trimester and that I was going to be positive and enjoy this pregnancy. And I lasted like 9 days! Then I had Beta 3 four days after beta 2. My number was 881 and the nurse who called me confidently said that my numbers were good and everything looked great and they'd see me for my ultrasound we had already scheduled for thursday. But then I got home and started calculating and looking at tables and charts and decided given I was at 375 at 15dpo, it should have been over 1000 not 881. So I panicked, worried I was miscarrying and finally called the dr office back in a tizzy.

I finally heard back like 5 hours later and the nurse again did not seem concerned but did humor me and got out a calculator and said if they had gone up 60% every 48 hours, I should have been a bit over 900. So it was a small amount under expected levels but nothing to be worried about. Number change all the time and it will probably surge again and be a lot higher in a few days. Happens all the time. Also she said it was possible I had a twin pregnancy and lost one of the two or one is going much slower than the other and that could explain it. Either way my levels are still high for 19dpo and did still go up a lot so apparently there is no reason to worry. I offered to come back in but they said not necessary, just come thursday, no reason to worry.

So I know given the dr told me not to worry, I shouldn't but of course I am worried. And I still have about 36 hours until the ultrasound- omg, it's killing me. And i'm worried about every symptom even though I don't doubt they are just pregnancy symptoms. Like why does my back hurt a bit- probably because of hormones or reaching up and stacking clothes at work all day. No bleeding and no cramping so no real reason to worry...

Anyway, must not go crazy and worry myself sick... easier said than done, of course! Anyway, if you're reading, please pray for a beautiful sac on Thursday morning!

4 Weeks Pictures

I guess this is really my 'before' picture although I already feel really bloated and pooched out from the fertility meds and progesterone.

I'll do the weekly surveys starting next week but for this week, it's just all about the BFP and doubling betas!!!

15 DPO beta = 375!

Hooray for a more than doubling beta!!!
It's funny because I'm really not anxious at this point- I know in my head that a lot of things could still go wrong but i feel really good about this pregnancy. But those few hours between having blood taken and getting the phone call are no good for me. I start worrying more and more 'what if it's not doubling?' 'what if it's going down?' etc. So it was wonderful news! Plus, it keeps the twins dream alive a bit longer- definitely a high enough number to be 2! We will have our first ultrasound end of next week so it will be great to know the number. I'll be so excited and kinda relieved about one but as long as I think it could be twins, I seem to picture 2. So knowing for sure will be awesome. I say it's about 50/50 that it's one or two. Mind you, since I had 4 eggs, it could always be 3 but I'm not even going there because that's just scary!

No more bloodwork until Monday so three days to soak up being pregnant without thinking about what my numbers would/should be!

Picture of my BFP!!

Not a glamorous picture of me at all- had no makeup on but I had to take a picture when I found out for my pregnancy scrapbook I'm going to keep!

Beta 1 at 13dpo = 141!!!

I ended up having my first beta at dpo 13 since I had an early HPT positive and since tomorrow is my birthday and I didn't want to worry about it. The nurse just called and said my beta is 141 which we are thrilled with. It is a nice high number which along with just being generally reassuring means there is a good chance now its twins!! Of course we won't know for a while and high betas certainly don't always mean twins but I read the average for a singleton at 13dpo is 62 and the average for twins at 13dpo is 123 so it is certainly possible. We'll be over the moon with one trust me and there are certainly advantages but twins is such a wonderful concept to us so we'll enjoy the fantasy for a couple more weeks until the ultrasound! Beta number 2 on Thursday so we're praying for some doubling!!!

Ok so I tested early and...

BFP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So extremely excited! Like crazy so happy relieved excited.
We just told my parents- they have been very involved in this whole process so it was a great joy to share the good news with them.

The background story- I felt really pms-y and backachy and nausceous (which I get with pms) starting Friday night. I had tested Thursday morning at 8dpiui just to make sure the trigger was out and it was. I didn't test Friday or Saturday and was feeling progressively more yuck. In hindsight, it was not the same as pms but that was what it felt most like. Anyway, by Saturday night I was crying to hubby that I was sure it'd be negative because i felt like my period was already on its way. He said no he was sure I was pregnant because I'd been so irritable and emotional! I declared "I know my own body and I'm not pregnant!"

Then just to show him I was right, I went and tested. It was like 9pm, I'd peed like an hour before and for like a minute all I could see was the one pink line so i was sure it was negative. Then, a faint line started to appear!!! I start shouting, omg there's a faint line!!! Within a couple more minutes, it was light but clear. Still, to be sure I then whipped out a digital test and the little clock symbol was there for what felt like forever. I'd read if pregnant it will often show up right away so I thought it'd be negative and then I'd have to decide whether I believe the pink line or the words.

BUT- the best word I'd ever read popped up "pregnant". It was the most amazing moment when I saw it appear. Hubby and I jumped up and down and squeeled in excitement- it was seriously one of the most joyous moments in my life.

We celebrated this morning with brunch at Cheesecake Factory and then told my parents and a couple of friends who knew what we have been going through. We know that it's early but most pregnant people find out from an HPT and get excited so we will too! Oh and I tested again the morning and the line was darker!

Beta is Wednesday but I'm not nervous anymore because I'm Pregnant!!!

To test or Not to test...

Last time in our naively excited state of thinking we did an IUI, surely we'll be pregnant, hubby insisted that I not POAS until the beta so we could have that wonderful big moment. Of course, we didn't last quite that long when I started spotting and cramping 2 days before so we got our BFN early. I hated not testing those last couple of days- knowing i could know and be out of my waiting misery if I just hurried up and tested! So this time hubby agreed no big waiting until the day (especially since my beta is on my birthday and a unprepared for BFN would be a surefire way to ruin it!) So, I stocked up on tests and thought this time I'm going test crazy!!!

So just for fun I tested at 2 dpiui just to see if that second pink line is real and of course the trigger meant that I saw what a positive would look like. Then I tested today- 8 dpiui to make sure the trigger was gone and it was. But even though I knew it was too early to expect a bfp, the bfn still kinda stung.

So now I'm like should I test every day so I can either a) get the good news sooner or b) ease myself into the bad news. Like if I get a negative early on I'll lose a little hope day by day so that it's not all coming crashing down on one day. Or should I wait until like 12dpiui at least so that a) i'm spared being depressed early false bfns if I am pregnant or b) get to spend three more days enjoying being 'pupo' before facing the whole 'omg, i have to do ivf' collapse.

I'm leaning towards option b but who knows if I'll make it. I'm past my bad intuition phase and accepted that at this stage, who knows? I don't think I'd feel significantly different right now either way with the progesterone and all. So who knows? Waiting is insane- i hate it!

my woman's intuition is not good!

So, I'm not feeling pregnant at all. I don't really know what feeling pregnant is but I know I feel just like I did this time last month. So, I've gotten pretty discouraged. I know it's early- it's only one week past my first IUI so maybe it's too soon to know. I don't know. I just don't have a good feeling, a good 'intuition' about it. Last month I did have a good feeling (although not that it ended up helping!) but I've struggled to have any hope in this try the whole time. I had this rush of hope/optimism a week ago around the IUIs but now I can just feel the BFNs coming- yuck. Which means IVF which means I'm pretty depressed about it all. I haven't totally given up of course- I just don't get a good vibe!

10 things that make me smile!

My mom challenged me this week to make a list of 10 things that make me smile. I think I was giving off a serious feeling sorry for myself vibe. I was feeling too sorry for myself that night to do but I think now I'm good to be positive! So, in no particular order... 10 things that make me smile:
1) My wonderful husband- his cuddles and his silly jokes. He makes me laugh so many times a day. He is so positive and so unique and so perfect for me.
2) Mexican food. In particular, the creamy jalapeno dip at Chuy's, our favorite restaurant. Seriously, it's awesome. I'm going to limit myself to only one of ten about food so I don't seem like a glutton but I could seriously list like 15 foods that make me smile. But that'd be sad so I'll just have one.
3) My puppy. She's so funny and so cute. Today she was playing this game where she tried to sneak up on her zebra stuffed toy- hysterical.
4) My family- my parents are wonderful and so supportive and so much fun. Like I said, not in order. I do love my parents more than creamy jalapeno dip, I promise. But really they are the best parents ever. I'm very lucky.
5) Friends. I don't mean the people I hang out with- I mean Joey, Chandler, Ross, Monica, Rachel and Phoebe. Seriously there is not a tough time in my life they haven't gotten me through.
6) Teaching- well, sometimes. I had this one awesome class this year. This kid in it Harley made me laugh every day. Every day he'd say 'this is ridonculous' about something. (that wasn't a typo- he doesn't say ridiculous- he says 'ridonculous') Goofy 14 year olds make me smile!
7) My brother. He's hysterical, in this dry sense of humor sort of way. When he comes home, he makes fun of all the quirky things my parents do. it's awesome. except he's less funny now when he brings his girlfriend home but then he's super happy and sweet and that makes me smile too.
8) Bethel- so my parents are building a mansion and it's pretty awesome. I smile thinking about hanging out there. Ok, it's a bit materialistic to be happy about the mansion but I see our future there. Babies messing up the house and driving my dad crazy. So it's not just the opulent mansion but the promise of what will be there.
9) My principal at my school. I think I have a girl crush on her. She's awesome. Feeling pathetically sad about not seeing her for 2 months. And not just her- all my colleagues are awesome. They are really really funny and they make my job really funny.
10) Wedding pictures. Our wedding was perfect and looking at the pictures remind me of how wonderful it was and how happy I am that I married Al. Plus, I was really hot on my wedding day and that makes me smile too!

OMG- a whole post that didn't mention my ovaries or uterus or my crazy overanalysing my body- can you believe it? Oops, that kinda ruined it. Better go before I start complaining about how the two week wait feels like 15 years...

Stomach Pains, Last day of School, Overly Optimistic Hubby!

Lots happening here... today is the last day of school for teachers so wrapping the year up. I'm excited to sleep in and get a break from 14 year olds, although slightly dreading the extra time on my hands over the next couple of weeks particularly. I have 4 shifts next week at GAP so that should keep me out of too much obsessive Googling.

Speaking of obsessive googling, I'm having abdominal discomfort. It's hard to describe- kind of like mild period pains except more just discomfort- especially when I walk. And when I push on my tummy it hurts. I feel really swollen and yuck. I hurt a bit after my first IUI last time but by the end of the day after my second one, i was totally fine. Today is 2 days after my second IUI and it is worse today than yesterday. I don't want to be one of those panicky losers who calls the dr all the time (I went in at 7dpiui last time for a different sort of stomach pain) so I think I'll just grin and bear it. It's too early for it to be a good or bad sign. And besides, given I wasn't pregnant last month, anything feeling different to last month can only be a good sign.

In other news, Hubby is convinced I'm pregnant- with multiples! Haha! Last time I was super optimistic and he kept saying 'it's only 30% chance, don't get your hopes up too high' and this time, I'm very resigned to it not working and having to do IVF. And suddenly Al is mr optimistic this time- go figure! It's cute because he's taking super good care of me so I think I'll just milk it for all its worth.

PUPO!

My IUIs are done! Yesterday was easy breezy, today I cramped quite a bit more and feel crampy now. The nurse said that is common and due to being in the midst of ovulation now. So, ok as long as it's not a problem, I can handle some cramping. Our counts were great- 31 million and 44 million. So 4 mature follicles plus 70million sperm surely ought to one baby make!!!

Now it's time to try and forget about it- haha, much easier said than done. But I can't obsess over it this time like I did last time because it just makes it so awful if I'm not. So I'm trying to keep my hope and optimism under wraps and just know that if we are not pregnant, it will be ok and prepare myself emotionally. At the same time, I know babies and BFPs and all the like are dancing in my head constantly. So here's praying for a fast 2 weeks I guess. Although if I'm not it'll be 6 weeks before I'm PUPO again so I suppose I should enjoy it!