A new plan B

So all of my plans are of course tentative and subject to being crushed. But my plan A had been that 1) Al would get this job at the great school and 2) I would get pregnant with 1 or 2 babies by the end of summer/august. Pretty good plan, hey?

Oh and bear in mind that that Plan A I just described is of course really Plan F or something since originally the plan was going to be that Al was working this year and I got pregnant in September/October. So it's the new Plan A and let's face it, I was doing well to even be happy at all about a plan that involves shots and us having endured a year on 1.5 incomes. But I got there over the past few months and Plan A was looking good!

Well, first blow to plan A was my high estrogen level making me wonder what on earth is going on in my body. And sending me into a panic spiral thinking about 5 failed IVFs etc. But, I decided to be optimistic (in denial) that was no cause to reject beloved plan A- after all, it's a pretty flexible plan. If my estrogen doesn't lower, I can go back on BCP and look at iui or ivf in June and the plan lives on!

Second blow to the plan was my friend who told me all about how I would probably have multiples (ok with me at first) and end up on bedrest at 20 weeks and cry every day when I have to leave my many children with expensive day care. Ok, that was hard because I had planend on working all but my 6 weeks leave (out of financial necessity and need to hold onto my good position not out of lack of desire to be home). But, ok... I probably won't actually get pregnant with more than one when I do and even if I do, I'll just have to take some time off and hope they don't permanently replace me at school or get a new job later on. Al will be working so we'd survive!

Third blow and perhaps the most crushing is Al not getting the job. Well, me assuming he hasn't gotten the job. They haven't called which has to be bad. So now I'm panicking because 1) we can't handle another year of failed attempts to get pregnant AND no money and Al hating subbing or 2) what if I do get pregnant with triplets the first time and Al can't get a job and then I have to be on bedrest?!?!?

Hence my intense panic and sadness. But I've got my bearings back and I think I've got in all back in perspective. What I've determined is that 1) Al probably will get a job. It may take a couple months longer than we want but I can't give up on all jobs now. 2) the main thing is having a baby. We can always move back to Australia once we have our children (cannot move before due to health insurance issues) and get great jobs again then. and 3) we will NEVER be out on the streets because my parents will support us. And I don't want that but if we do end up with multiples and I'm on bed rest and Al can't get work, we can live with my parents for a year and get gets or move after that.

So it's no plan A but plan B is that I get pregnant by the end of the year (giving myself more grace so the plan has more hope) and that's all that matters. If Al miraculously still gets this job, awesome! If he gets a job in a month or two, great! If we doesn't, it'll hurt but we will figure it out and we will be ok. So I'm back on board.

Notice there is no plan that involves me not getting pregnant because that one hurts too much so it's not really worth even making that plan!