There are days I could write for hours about my 'TTC journey' but today I'm so overwhelmed, confused and scared, words are hard.
Yesterday I went to have Day 3 bloodwork not expecting anything interesting. I had a transvaginal ultrasound (so much fun- haha) and didn't even think until like 8pm to check my voicemail to see if the nurse called with results. Well, she did and it tirns out that my estrogen levels are 130 something instead of below 50 which is normal. I don't fully understand what it means except I think it suggests a potential problem with egg quality or quantity- something like diminished ovarian reserve.
Which sounds utterly terrifying to me. I'm 27- how can I have a diminished ovarian reserve. And how do they help you then? I am ovulating every month so none of it makes sense. I start to think all these worst case scenario things like I have 10 eggs left and they are all terrible quality!
Meanwhile I can't even call the nurse until Monday and honestly I don't think they know what it means either so I think I'm a very long way away from answers...
I don't know if that changes our treatment plan or not- I don't know anything. I am really hoping and praying that it is not egg quality. Because even if it is quantity, we could move forward with IVF and just work with what I still have. I mean, the ultrasound showed plenty of follicles so surely we could get some eggs now and freeze embryos even. I don't know. I just don't want to waste any more time- especially if at 27 I might not have much more. Quality is way more scary, I guess. I don't know- it's all frightening.
So I know I have to move on somehow. I have to figure out how to just live my life because if I focus on this all the time, it gets too much. So I just have to enjoy the good in each day and trust that somehow someday we will figure this out and be parents.
In other news, Al feels really positive about his job interview and our friend at the school says he is in the top 3. I am praying and hoping so hard for him to get that job. It would be so AMAZING for us. Like I think I could put all the pregnancy pain aside and be genuinely happy- thrilled- for a long time just over that. So I am trying to at least hang in there for a couple more days because great news could be just around the corner...
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8 years ago
Bless your heart, I've read all your posts and I feel for you. My boss's friend is going through the same thing and they have also been trying for over a year. What stinks is that they can find nothing wrong. You would think in this day and age they would be able to fix just about anything, we put men on the moon after all! My husband and I have also been trying off and on for about 2 years with no luck. I think I had 2 chemical pregnancies (but I was underweight so I think, or I'm telling myself anyway, that was why they didn't "take"). We also stopped trying off and on since my husband works as a sub-contractor for NASA and with Obama trying to get rid of his job, we've not been able to try every month since we have health care through his job. We won't even now till Oct! whether or not his job and thousands of others are safe. Which stinks and I feel selfish over "Well, can we still try to have a baby regardless?" Even though I know I should be more concerned over his job security. I don't get AF regularly so they put me on Provera last July. That way I had a chance every month they said. Well I took it in Feb 2010, had a cycle and we tried when I knew I would be ovulating. Took it again in Mar 2010 and never got AF, which to me meant we were pregnant! I spotted, I cramped, my chest got sore, I was horribly, horrible neuseaus, etc. I took a HPT and it was negative then did the blood work and they said it was less than 2. I finally got a 2nd opinion and a better Dr. who told me she was so sorry. The chances of me being pregnant were VERY small, but to try (and HPT) in a couple of weeks. Nice huh? I was mad, and hurt. I feel like something is wrong with me. Like you said, how can 14 year olds get pregnant without even trying??? There are so many unwanted children and unwilling parents out there, my life long dream has always been "When I grow up I want to be a mommy!" I just never thought it would be this hard. My new Dr. also told me I had PCOS and that the symptoms I was having were because of the provera. She said in a couple weeks I would feel better, and gave me Zofran so I could get through the day. It's just so frusterating! She wants us to try for at least 6 more months before we see an Infertility Specialist. I'm only 23, I didn't think this was supposed to be hard in your 20's!! So anyway, needless to say I completely understand your frusteration. I would love to POAS everyday, skip right to IVF and just pray for the best. They want me to try Clomid when I see the infertility dr. so we shall see. The only positive then is...twins! So I keep my fingers crossed thinking this will all work out in the end, everything happens for a reason, and who knows maybe I'm waiting this long for twins?
ReplyDeleteI hope your husband is able to secure a job soon, I know The Woodlands has great schools and CISD is great (personally went there from 3rd grade (Glen Loch) to graduation (at TWHS). I live in Friendswood now for my husband's job but I still work there. Long commute but that is a different story=). Good luck and hopefully we will both have positive stories here soon! Wish I could say something more supportive, just know you aren't the only one going through this. Doesn't really make it easier, I know, but just know that when we do get to meet our perfect little angels, it will have been worth it=).
Hi! I only just found your comment! It took me forever to realize people were leaving me comments! I loved it! It definitely made me feel so much better. None of my friends are going through this right now (which I am glad for them they are not) and so you just feel alone in it. I hope everything works out with your husband's job- keep me posted!
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