No news- I had an ultrasound and bloodwork which showed a mature egg and LH surge and how crazy is this- we didn't even try that day or the next. Which is kinda sad. But we did BD the night before so there's always a chance. But, poor DH is so weary of timed sex only for me to get so excited that I will be pregnant and then be crushed when I'm not. Since we're about to start the real roller coaster of fertility treatments, we decided on a true break for this month. No trying. Just enjoying each other and our sanity. And it makes total sense but it's hard for me. Knowing there was a big egg just waiting to be released yesterday and not having sex was so counter-intuitive to everything I've been doing. But then 11 cycles of very strategically planned sex and no baby to show for it so would it really have made a difference? probably not. And it's not like we didn't have sex any where near the time... I figure if it was God's plan to make a baby this month, a miracle is totally possible.
Meanwhile, no news on Al's job and trying to balance getting over it and not leting it continue to stress me and also not give up on it because I feel like until God gives us a 'no' I shouldn't give up on what I've been praying for. But given I'm supposed to be reducing my stress levels, I'm also trying to not obsess or think about it. One day we'll know the answer. In the meantime, we have to look into other jobs and work on a good backup plan.
With my really high estrogen levels, I'm worried we won't get to start injectibles next cycle. I'm praying it was a one off reading so I'm doing everything I can to lower it. No more caffeine. Trying to eat healthier (which is really hard for me) and trying to not stress. Exercising, napping and staying as rested and calm as possible. I'm going to get a couple of massages to see if that lowers my stress levels. I am contemplating acupuncture as well if the levels are still high. I guess I'm nervous about it but I'm trying not to think about it.
Instead I'm allowing myself to live in my baby fantasy land. I don't think about 'when'- I just allow myself to enjoy dreaming about my life with babies. Because it helps me remember that this will all be worth it. No matter how long it takes, it will be worth it. And it's not a race, my babies will come to me when it's time- it may be next month that they are conceived, it may be next year but I will do whatever I need to to bring them into this world.
My favorite fantasy at the moment is my multiples fantasy. Blocking out the bedrest and risk of premature birth (both very big real life issues but in my fantasy world, they don't matter!), I love the idea of twins or even triplets! I think partly I love to think about that because then it's easier to see a blessing coming from infertility. Like it may take us longer, but maybe we'll get to have my dream of twins happen. So I think about Addison and Caitlin and Josh- my baby names and I imagine them here with me. And it makes me happy and it makes me stop thinking about when and how and focus again on why.
Anyway, hanging in there and choosing hope and optimism.
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8 years ago
I was reading an article in The Woodlands "ReviewIt" magazine at my Dr.'s office and there was this GREAT article on the Houston Fertility Institute. They said they try to work within everyone's budget, help you formulate the best plan, and genuinely seem very passionate and involved and commited to what they do. I see my OBGYN in July, and if I'm not pregnant by then (which I doubt I will be) I'm going to ask about HFI. I was reading their testimonies/reviews and it seemed like it was a last resort for a lot of people after years of trying, and then bam! they got pregnant. Just thought I'd let you know, just in case it sounded like something you would want to check out. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThat's who we are seeing at the moment! He's fantastic!!
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